When I was at university, a girl that I knew from my home town, told me that she was always a little afraid of me. I was amused because I had never been ‘one of the girls’ – you know the ‘cool’ crowd. She put me straight and said it was because I had always been ‘one of the boys’. To this day I think that on many levels I think more like a man than a woman.
June is Men’s Sexual Health Month and whilst I don’t have a penis I do have balls! So I am going to take the leap and talk about some of the things I’ve learned from the men in my life.
I have known many men, not all in the Biblical sense. I have sons, ex-husbands and a lover and I know that we tend to oversimplify what it is that men want. Men may not be as complicated as women but they have needs as well.
Annually Lola Montez hosts a Ladies Night called ‘Inside his Dirty Little Mind’. It is extremely popular. We invite 5 men, different ages and demographic to the event. The ladies get to ask them anything they want. The questions are written on ‘post its’ so they are anonymous. You can imagine how tough the questions get. The only rule is, that if you choose to answer, it has to be the truth. Watch the YouTube video – CLICK HERE
I am constantly surprised at how honest these men answer and how often we as women have them all wrong. Men it seems, do have feelings too!
I think it comes down to this. Men have egos that are far more fragile than a woman’s. Men also have a penis, the size and occupation of which is significantly associated with his ego, but it isn’t the be all and end all. When these men I referred to above are asked what they really want from sex, the answer is almost unanimous and has been consistent over the years: They want the woman in their bed to have a good time! Shocker!
When it comes to sex, men are concerned with their partner’s pleasure. He wants her to enjoy herself and have a mind blowing orgasm, so for goodness sake why not oblige? Okay he may lack some skills but you can go on a journey of discovery.
Many men would love you to take charge in bed now and then. The biggest complaint from men is that they always have to initiate sex and they hate the rejection that sometimes happens. You would blow his mind if you told him that he’d better expect some hanky panky when he gets home tonight.
Put on your big girl panties, usually purchased from Victoria Secret or Lola Montez, show them off and be game for anything. Men love participation.
Learn the rules of his favourite game, just enough to participate in the discussion but not enough to put him to shame. Second him on his bike ride. Be present and give him support in his endeavors, it doesn’t matter what you think of it. Give him recognition for what he gets right and stop bitching about what he gets wrong.
When you go out, he wants you to be his eye candy. Make an effort, put on your heels, perfume and pearl panty. Take the panties off at dinner and slide it over the table with a naughty smile.
Many men want you to tell them what you want. Just choose the right tone. You don’t want to sound like you’re criticizing. Make some noise. Not so much that the neighbours have to have a cigarette, but low moaning enjoyment noises. Say no when you mean no.
I’m going out on a limb here to say that most men enjoy a blow job. Learn to do it well. Teach him how to pleasure you in the same way.
Men love to watch. Touch yourself. If he doesn’t like it – feel for a pulse! Learn how to do a sexy lap dance. You may never actually do it for him but it will teach you how to move with intention. That intention is – I’m having you tonight, my rules, my play!
Men want to be respected and admired and whilst you may find it difficult, force yourself. In the long term it will serve you well. I don’t want you to be inauthentic, you must mean it, because he will know if you don’t, and then it won’t work.
I think relationships would be a whole lot easier if we understood that women want to feel gorgeous and men want to be desired. Always look at him like you would a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes!
I asked my partner for input into this week’s column, this is what he said: Tell them to keep going, the orgasm isn’t over with ejaculation and leave your inhibitions at the bedroom door. On that note I’m off to put on my heels and send a dirty text.
Would love to hear from you. What you’d like to know, if I’m helping or not. I’d rather not have haters if you don’t mind. Thank you for the huge response to last week’s column.