Get Back In the MOOD
This past weekend I was reminded how a little work on your relationship can go a long way.
You know how the drudgery of everyday life can murder your soul and sucks the joy out of what we have? Well it takes discipline to make a change because it is so much easier to just put one foot in front of the other.
I dislike winter. I’m always cold. I eat too many carbs and can no longer afford to run my under floor heating! First world problems, I know. But it does make me very, very grumpy.
There is nothing sexy about wearing layers to bed and there is nothing to entice me out of them and the thought of having sex in another room in the house is just too unpleasant to contemplate.
We don’t go out and we have definitely forgotten about date night. I know I’m not alone here. I have become so bored I’m boring.
So last week I decided to up my game and I’m happy to share that it worked. It didn’t take much and I’m not sure how long it’s going to last but this is what I did.
I realised that I was just as much to blame for killing romance (and I’m never wrong)! I had a long hard look at what romance is in my life and I can safely say that it is in the same condition as the almost dead un-watered rosemary bush in my garden. This bush has to be cut back, fed, nurtured and watered. And the only person who can do this is me!
So I started by telling my partner that he had to up his game and waited. Guess what? Nothing but a grunt and ‘Yes Dear’, which I now know means – Go away, I’m busy! except not so polite.
I sulked for awhile, stamped my feet like a two year old and then decided to lead by example.
I gave him notice that sex would be happening. Twenty four hours notice works well. He was told to be ready and not to expect to work, read, attend to his web site, social media or watch a movie. I taped the rugby so I wouldn’t miss the Boks playing.
I gave him a list of goodies that would be required and I made sure that my side was taken care of.
I have spent the week trying to be mindful and adding romance (or my version of it) to my life. It’s the small things.
I set the table and actually lit the beautiful scented candles I own. I ate my meal at the table with some music playing in the background, like I do when I have guests because let’s face it why should they be the only people to appreciate my good taste and beautiful home? I enjoyed every bite. I thought about the food feeding my body and soul. I didn’t shovel it down on the run and I didn’t watch television. My meal got my full attention.
I tried to apply this mindfulness to my every action and I can tell you it’s bloody difficult. I am always doing at least two things at once and that excludes stressing about this thing we call living.
I started to exercise again and am horrified at how out of shape I really am. I took my multi vitamins and cut down on coffee consumption. I defluffed, waxed and exfoliated. I almost convinced myself that spring was in the air and I started to think about sex.
My top drawer of lingerie and fantasies was found sadly lacking and just could not get me in the mood. They were all so boring that I knew I needed some new material – Porn or Erotica. I went with Erotica and found several sites with sexy stories you can read for free. Now I was finally having some fun and new material. Libido level was rising steadily.
Date night or sex night did not need to be expensive, it was however a big deal. We didn’t need to go out, spend money or do anything grand. We just needed to spend some time thinking about each other and nothing else. We had to commit to make the time to have sex, and set everything else aside for an hour or six. I highly suggest it!
For any suggestions, comments or questions email me Sharon@lolamontez.co.za