Fiendish Father’s Day Sex Challenge or any day sex challenge.
Tomorrow is Father’s Day and you may not celebrate it but we all have one. Some Father’s are better than others. Some are mere sperm donors, some are emotional retards and others are trying their best. Whichever one you are I trust you’ll have a special day and whilst I hope your children give you socks and ties I hope you will get something more than tickets to the game and biltong from your significant other. I suggest that this should be the year of the Fiendish Father’s Day.
It’s time for a sex challenge. Can you think of a better gift? The purpose is to get the blood flowing and as a result increase your intimacy levels and get your sex lives sizzling again. All it requires is time, effort and commitment! It also requires discussion and some preparation.
The hardest part of this challenge is going to be getting your partner to buy into it. If you are hating each other at the moment may I suggest a truce for just 7 days and see how it goes.
You are BOTH going to have to compromise and set aside hurts and humiliations and when you want to criticise just don’t. To help you with this use two lessons from 50 Shades:
Use safe words. ‘Green’ – everything is great, go ahead, I’m safe and enjoying the experience. ‘Orange’ – You’re in dangerous territory, walk/talk with care. ‘Red’ – Stop speaking or doing immediately, no questions asked or justifications, just stop.
The second is to discuss ‘soft’ and ‘hard’ limits. Soft limits are the acts you are comfortable with. You may or may not have experienced them but think that you might like to talk about and you may even want to introduce them into your play. You are going to agree to trying something new every single day for a week. ‘Hard’ limits are non-negotiable either because they have to happen or will not happen, ever!
With the ground rules set it is time to plan the week’s play. If you just can’t get it together for next week, give your partner an IOU to be cashed when it is convenient for both of you.
Day one is buy in and negotiation day. Agree on the terms and conditions, hard and soft limits, safe words and an undertaking that regardless of how pear shaped the week goes, you are going to show some grit and stick it out. This week is all about exploring your relationship and sexuality. The by product will be increased intimacy.
This week you get to talk about what you want and when you want to have sex, cuddle or just chat. Each evening for the next 7 days set a time table for the next day, and then stick to it.
Here are some ideas in case your creativity is lost somewhere in the intimacy desert.
If you usually have sex in the evening, set your alarm clock an hour earlier for some early morning action. If you only ever have sex in bed, move it to the shower. Experiment with a couple of new positions. I know you have your favourites but play with others, you may be surprised.
When last did you have a quickie? Plan it, visit your partner at work and sneak off to the bathroom or the back of the car. The chance of being caught will up the adrenaline and dopamine released which heightens the rush.
With all this sex you may want to negotiate some sensual touching and an agreement that an orgasm is not on the menu the following day. Maybe you want to spend the evening planning your dream holiday. If you cannot agree on a destination, plan two.
Where will you go, where will you stay, for how long? What will you do each day? Will you sleep late, get up early, cook, eat out or have sex at 3pm?
For at least one of these days do something that is completely out of your comfort zone. Have sex with the lights on, watch a naughty movie, visit a sex shop, give or receive oral sex, laugh and don’t forget to say ‘Thank you’.
Next Sunday, do a de-brief. What worked and what didn’t. What would you like do more or less of? You may want to include this exercise once or twice a week for the next year and if you run out of ideas keep reading this column or sign up for my blog.
If you have any ideas to share email me – Sharon@lolamontez.co.za
This article first appeared in The Saturday Star