Come on baby… won’t you light my fire!
Come on baby, won’t you light my fire! I saw a hilarious scene on television this week. A guy was desperately trying to get excited about sex with his partner and asked her to say something dirty. She was confused and in typical A type personality wanted a definition about what classified as dirty and asked for several suggestions.
At which stage his penis lost interest and what could have been a very sexy encounter was over. No doubt they were both left feeling frustrated and inadequate.
Talking dirty may not be your thing but overall it works to get all those juices and lust flowing. Just like with most of life, timing is everything. There is no place for using dirty words when one of you is feeling ultra sensitive and is completely out of the zone.
There are certain trigger words that may send your partner into a rage rather than a passionate sexual encounter. In my case that word is ‘slut’ or ‘whore’. Call me those names and you will find your penis in a pickle jar in my fridge with all the condiments.
The thing about talking dirty is that it doesn’t have to be dirty at all but you do need to know what you are ‘talking’ about. So here are my top 7 tips.
Top Tip 1
It’s empowering and fun.
You know you want to, you know it turns you on, you know that one dirty word that makes him want to explode! Only you can’t say the words! You’re not that kind of person!
Well get over yourself and have some fun!
Learning to talk dirty is empowering, sexy and fun but it takes practice and the best thing is that you do not have to use one filthy word to do it.
Top Tip 2
There are three ways to talk dirty –
- Encouragement: – ‘Oh my you are such a big boy! You’re such a dirty girl!’
- Erotic Instruction: – ‘Deeper, take me deeper! Ride me baby – ride me!’
- Fantasies: ‘Your library books are late, you will have to pay a fine!”
Top Tip 3
What turns you on?
The best place to start is to think about what it is that turns you on – do you like to watch? Always wanted to be the wonton librarian? Well that’s a place to start.
Now you have to find your voice. You have to say the words aloud which brings me to tip 4.
Top Tip 4
It gives you a chance to laugh at yourself and change the inflections in your voice until it works.
You need to get used to saying them so when you whip them out in a moment of passion – your partner is not the only one who is shocked! It also helps you to giggle in the privacy of your bathroom or car.
Words to practice on your own:
- Do you want me?
- I want you
- Do you like this?
- Oh I love it when you …
- Mr. Big! – Mrs Big DOES NOT work!
Top Tip 5
Try to establish what turns your partner on.
Your partner has a thing for sex in a public place, then you can try: ‘What if someone sees us?’ –
Many of us had a thing for a teacher – ‘You’ve been so bad! I am going to have to punish you!’
Work on scenarios. If you have no idea what works for your partner maybe now is the time to start asking about them. Fantasies are a good place to start. And then work on the language that speaks to them.
Top Tip 6
Spice up your imagination.
If your imagination is having trouble- read an erotic book or magazine, watch a porn movie. Call a phone sex line, expensive but all in the name of research!
You will be amazed at what works for you. Once you get over the shock try to relax. Just because you really enjoyed a BDSM scene or an orgy scene, does not mean that you have to run out and fulfil it. Just play with it in your head and when you feel safe enough share a version of the play with your partner.
If you are the partner, don’t laugh and don’t judge and if you ever use this vulnerability against your partner I hope you have appalling and boring sex for the rest of your life.
See which words or scenarios work for you.
This may seem really embarrassing at first but when it is said in the throw of passion, it is an instant way to heat up the situation.
Top Tip 7
What not to say!
A word to the wise – do not ever mention friends, family members, neighbours or the dog. Do not use trigger words. I’ve already shared mine. Making her call you ‘Daddy’ and he was her abuser, may hit a nerve that you will never recover from. Play safe rather than sorry.
If you want talking dirty to be a spontaneous play addition, bad news is you have to talk about it first. Discuss that you think it may add some zing to your sex life and then talk about the words that may work and those that will always be off limits.
And on that note, come on baby, enjoy your weekend Big Boy!
Ideas, questions and scenarios about come on baby can be emailed to me email@example.com